Educated Guessing for Impact Wrestling is finally here.
Or, more correctly, UN-Educated Guessing has arrived for Slammiversary XVI.
You see, admittedly, I haven’t watched Impact Wrestling in ages. Therefore, I’m super clueless about most of the storylines heading into it.
Familiar with the actors, but no idea what movie I’m watching would be an accurate description.
That said, what better way to dive into the uncharted waters of Impact Wrestling than their biggest show of the year – SLAMMIVERSARY XVI!
No sense wasting anymore time. Let’s go (try to) break down an Impact Wrestling PPV.
Tessa Blanchard vs Allie
We start off with Tessa Blanchard vs Allie and I am so happy I immediately recognize both names.
Whereas I cant say I have seen too much from either, I am familiar with Tessa Blanchard from last year’s Mae Young Classic where she had an absolutely killer match with Kairi Sane. Allie I’m familiar with from the Braxton Sutter marriage storyline which, despite never investing time in it, was a pretty great angle for TNA.
Now they’re facing off one-on-one for reasons I am wholly unsure of. That all being said, I at least know Allie has been with the company for a while now and Tessa I am 95% sure is the new blood (and a first round Mae Young Classic ejection). I would be doubting they give Tessa the win in this one.
Uneducated Guess: Allie
Impact Tag Team Championship
Latin American Xchange (w/ Konnan) vs The OGz (w/ King) – 5150 Street Fight
Eddie Kingston is in Impact?! How did I not know this?!?
So, apparently, there are two “LAX”-es now. The guys I know in Hernandez and Homicide who are with “King” (Eddie Kingston), and the guys that I don’t (Santana & Ortiz), who are with Konnan.
I’m half assuming off-hand that this is a “changing of the guard” match and that there’s some stock in getting Santana and Ortiz some clout. That said, as neither of these wrestlers seem too prolific on the “Team LAX” side, something tells me Team OGz walks away with the win.
Uneducated Guess: The OGz w/ King
Eddie Edwards vs Tommy Dreamer – House of Hardcore Rules
You really haven’t been on wrestling Twitter as of late if you don’t at least have a vague idea of what has been happening in this one.
Here’s what I’ve been able to surmise up to this point: Sami Callihan at one point almost accidentally bashed in Eddie Edwards’ eye with a bat. To storyline retaliate, Eddie had to snap and in doing so has gone full psycho heel on the world, which I can only guess includes former friend Tommy Dreamer.
Now, the two of them are pitted against each other in a House of Hardcore rules match.
If I had to make any sort of assumption, they have to be leaning to Eddie Edwards for the win. He’s much younger and has a giant future with Impact ahead of him.
Uneducated Guess: Eddie Edwards
Fenix vs Johnny Impact vs Rich Swann vs Taiji Ishimori
This is a HELL of a match.
The four guys in this one have had, to this point, wildly different careers. Their incredible styles, however, should blend together well in this match.
Plus, were getting BONE SOLDIER out of this … BONE SOLDIER.
Honestly, I feel like this match might be leaning toward Rich Swann. He’s the new guy on the Impact block and something tells me that, because the charges got dropped, Impact is going to take a big chance with the former WWE Cruiserweight Champion by giving him a big win on a big stage.
Pentagon Jr vs Sami Callihan – Mask vs Hair
YES! This is the exact type of match I want to see WWE start delving into again. A good “here’s a random bet where someone loses something” match in awhile.
I get it that these matches are pretty telegraphed … but overall, for me, are very entertaining.
Pentagon Jr easily remains one of my favorite characters to see perform (he is absolutely HORRIFYING) and Sami Callihan always delivers a more-than decent performance. I don’t think this one is going to surprise anyone at all though, Pentagon Jr’s aesthetic depends fully on his mask.
Sami can wear a baseball cap. Problem solved.
Uneducated Guess: Pentagon Jr
Impact X Division Championship
Matt Sydal (C) vs Brian Cage
This match has a big capacity to steal the show and I am not angry about it.
Matt Sydal ALWAYS shows up and can hang with absolutely anyone. He’s pitted here against Brian Cage, who is a giant monster man from which there is seemingly no escape.
Regardless, Brian Cage can move with the best of them.
For those who aren’t familiar, Cage is quite easily one of the top ten names to watch over the next few years as he expands his profile. An agile strongman with some charisma and a great look. I’m guessing they give him an exclamation point in this match and make him the X Division champion.
Let’s hope they don’t bring back Ultimate X though, because watching Brian do that would be scary.
Uneducated Guess: Brian Cage
Impact Knockouts Championship
Su Yung (C) vs Madison Rayne
Things I didnt fully realize before this match: Su Yung is really a scary character.
She pulls off the look incredibly well and, from what I’ve seen of her, comes across very well on tv. I am ENTIRELY rooting for any character that is spooky. And Su Yung is no exception.
The only vignette I’ve seen so far leading into this match features Madison Rayne doing an interview in some weird backstage studio which apparently slowly transforms into a haunted house via Su.
Madison Rayne’s character ultimately didn’t look like she stood a chance against Su Yung in the pre-tape though, so I think the champion retains on Impact’s biggest stage.
Uneducated Guess: Su Yung
Impact World Championship
Austin Aries (C) vs Moose
Still maybe my favorite chant in wrestling.
Moose is up for what I believe to be his first Impact World Championship and to win it he needs to take it from the “belt collector” Austin Aries. Honestly, half the reason I am doing this column and covering this show Sunday night for The Sheet is because it’s felt like Impact Wrestling has had new life breathed into the company.
A change of sorts that is allowing them to explore new things and take in a new fanbase. I think they fully recognize this and will take advantage of it Sunday night.
It might not be a “YES” chant – but an entire crowd pumping their fists while chanting “MOOSE” would be a hell of a way to end a show.
Uneducated Guess: MOOSE
Agree? Disagree? Vehemently oppose? Sound off in the comments!
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