Educated Guessing is on the road to WrestleMania! Final stop before our destination … Fastlane — which means we’ve got a new batch of predictions for you to more than likely disagree with.
After running the table at the Rumble, I didn’t do as hot at Elimination Chamber, and walked away with a 13-3 record overall so far for 2017. Regardless, this is the third Fastlane, so you’re all getting a smooth Fast and the Furious pun in the art for this article.
Joe and KO are two of featured attractions! GET IT?! Ok, I am sorry for that.
Lets get on with the picks.
Rich Swann and Akira Tozawa vs The Brian Kendrick and Noam Dar
TOZAWAAAAA TIME! Besides being a giant Akira Tozawa mark, I am genuinely excited for him to make his PPV debut. This match is honestly a head scratcher. It doesn’t seem to have any plot build up to WM and realistically no one needs a push any more than the other. I am going to guess they give the kickoff a “feel good” moment by having the new guy on the roster pickup a win.
Educated Guess: Rich Swann and Akira Tozawa by pin
Sasha Banks vs Nia Jax
This is the second Fastlane match that is supposed to feature a “monster” character who is in the way of someone’s Mania program. That being said, this is way more malleable to fix than the Roman Reigns match later in the evening. They need to start handing Nia big ticket wins and even though I am guessing she isn’t gonna be walking into Mania with a match — a big SummerSlam feud is more likely — something tells me Nia gets the win here.
Educated Guess: Nia Jax by pin
Samoa Joe vs Sami Zayn
Sami Zayn has accumulated a lot of favor cards over the past year being the soldier he’s been and this match is no different. However … a main roster push for Samoa Joe, in a program that was designed for him to look like a monster, initially won’t end well for Sami’s chances. It’s going to be a beautiful match of two absolute indie legends, but ultimately the winner of this bout has to be Joe.
Regardless, I’m starting my online push for Sami to win the ARMBAR this year. He deserves it.
Educated Guess: Samoa Joe by submission
Roman Reigns vs Braun Strowman
The five stages of grief:
Denial – Theres no way that they’d allow Roman to go over Braun. They’ve built him up like a monster and surely they would allow that to continue. Braun has to take this, they cant be THAT dumb.
Anger – Vince, why would you do this?! You’re making decisions based off of this weird love for a guy you haven’t been able to get over for years! Just make him a heel already!
Bargaining – What if you let Braun have this one and then give Roman a big win at Mania? Maybe against Undertaker? No one cares about his streak anymore. That’s a great trade off right? RIGHT??
Depression – You’re really going to let this happen aren’t you? Hell, you’re probably doing this to establish that Roman could even beat Taker and then you’re going to let that happen too. Why do I watch a three hour program on Monday nights? Is God real?
Acceptance – This is happening. At the very least Braun had a great run of not being pinned.
Educated Guess: Roman Reigns by pin
WWE Cruiserweight Championship Match
Neville (C) vs Jack Gallagher
Jack Gallagher has quickly become the runaway favorite of the weirdly jumbled new-hire cruiserweight division. Enough to earn him a comedy spot at the Rumble, which further cemented his likability. This all translates into his first big WWE PPV singles match. Sadly, that match is against ADRIAN Neville — he is a heel and you should all be chanting his first name at him — so there is zero shot of Jackie Boy stopping the angry tiny freight train that is the King of the Cruiserweights. Jack’s gonna put up a good fight … but ultimately, ADRIAN walks out as champ.
Educated Guess: ADRIAN Neville by pin.
WWE Raw Tag Team Titles Match
Gallows & Anderson (C) vs Enzo & Cass
To be honest, I wish this match had more drama attached. Much like the Smackdown Live tag division, I honestly could care less about the current feuds happening. New Day is stuck hosting Mania with no program and any team that would be super over right now is either treading water in NXT (looks longingly at the Revival) or awaiting possible entrance back into the kingdom (see our story about the Hardys here). So, for the time being, we get this match … again.
As the faces have all the other major Raw titles, I’m expecting The Club to hold onto the gold walking into The Show of Shows.
Educated Guess: Gallows & Anderson by pin
WWE Raw Women’s Championship Match
Bayley (C) vs Charlotte
Heading into the PPV before Mania with Bayley as champion is weird. With all of the insanity regarding the title in Fall/Winter with Sasha and Charlotte, adding a third person to the mix just feels SO recycled. It’s pretty much assumed now that we are getting a triple threat at WM33 and whereas the match itself has been exciting, the buildup has been lacking. The most exciting part is feeling like we are on the cusp of getting heel Sasha on Raw (which, YES) — and that still requires getting there. That’s where I think the finish will go. Bayley hasn’t gotten a clean win for the title yet and I’m expecting Sasha decides to end Charlotte’s PPV streak at the cost of Bayley’s pride.
Educated Guess: Bayley by pin after Sasha interferes
Universal Championship Match
Kevin Owens (C) vs Goldberg
C’mon. Really? I have to write a full paragraph for this?
I really hope Kevin’s trade off for agreeing to be in the ring with Bill for Fastlane was that he gets to beat Brock Lesnar later in the year for the title. By now its apparent that we’re getting the full treatment WrestleMania setup and Goldberg is going to have one last run with the strap. Personally, I don’t mind it too much. Great nostalgia, he’s fantastic with kids and it’s a big marquee Mania match.
Hell, as a fan its really cool watching Goldberg come out and still have that same swagger that he did back in the day. In a profession where a large amount of the older talent that walk away have a myriad of problems, he’s just a dad who stayed in shape and its fun to see. That being said, its depressing knowing how easily they could have added longevity to the Mania match that Goldberg isn’t going to have stamina for, by making it a triple threat with Owens.
Sadly, I am guessing they go full throttle with Goldberg vs Lesnar for the title and, given KO’s other story line, expect a wild Jericho to appear during this one.
Educated Guess: Goldberg by pin (NEW CHAMP! NEW CHAMP!)